On Insecurity

People often come up to me and explain how I’ve inspired and motivated them. I’m always surprised by this! Most of them will then tell me their stories, and help me understand my role in their lives.

I’m always honored to hear stories like that. And I’m always extremely baffled. I leave those conversations feeling uncomfortable. My discomfort has little to do with what is said, though.

The discomfort settles in my mind a few minutes after those conversations. To clarify, imagine hurting yourself by mistake. Barring the initial pain, think about the throb that gradually gets more prominent as time passes. The discomfort is similar.

It increases, until I’m no longer able to shut it out. All that’s left for me to do is face it. I realize the source fairly quickly: It comes from my obsession with perfection. 

I spend most days feverishly wracking my brain for things to do. I have hopes and dreams, many of which have not come to fruition because I press pause at the finish line. I think, “this is horrible. Who will read this. Who will like this. Too many mistakes.”

Those thoughts are just the tip of an enormous iceberg of insecurity. Insecurity. The word itself seems to conjure up negative energy.

But here’s the thing: insecurity, in and of itself, isn’t bad. On the same note, being an insecure person isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s natural, and it’s as natural as any other emotion.

The simple fact is that some days will be better, and some days will be extremely horrible. What matters most here, is that even on the horrible days, you have the courage to look in the mirror, and say, “come at me.”

As a result, I don’t flinch when people tell me they’re insecure. I just simply say, “me too.” As human beings, we’re incredibly complex creatures. Our brains are constantly working, and constantly processing information. The amount of information being processed, the kind of information being processed has a lot to do with our brain’s chemistry. I’m not a scientist, so forgive me for not having the appropriate vocabulary here.

Anyway, we’re complex. We’re insecure and loving. We’re confident and hateful. We’re loving and cold. It’s possible. Our world isn’t black and white. It’s a kaleidoscope of colors, where a person feel depressed, and be okay; or feel anxious, and be okay.

So many people have this misconception that you can ignore anxiety, and depression. Those people think you can simply stop being too much of this, or that. But it’s not so simple. 

So, yes. I am insecure. 

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I'm a self-proclaimed aesthete, an amateur literary critic and a history buff with a BA in Political Science and History from Wesleyan College.

3 thoughts on “On Insecurity

  1. I am 50 years old and accomplished and still I have to remind myself not to feel insecure. The fact that you can admit that is the first step toward building your confidence. At least, that’s what I am starting to believe as I step out on faith to embrace my vision for my life. Thanks for sharing a thoughtful post.

    Liked by 1 person

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