Passion and romance are popular topics on social media. Everyone has their opinions on what creates a healthy relationship. Everyone also has an opinion on what guys and girls should do in relationships. Of course, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but opinions that perpetuate toxic behavior are not good.
Here are 8 broad features of unhealthy relationships:
1.) If you’re reading this, then your relationship may not be so healthy. Why? Well, it’s subconscious insecurity. Your brain knows what your heart can’t accept—that the relationship you invested so much in, isn’t as healthy as it should be.
There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as both of you (or all of you) understand that there’s work to be done.
2.) If you think relationships are supposed to work like magic, then you’re too young to be in a relationship. Even if you’re fifty, and you have this mindset, you should wait a few years.
Seriously, though, relationships take work and investment in money, time, and emotions (not in that order). If you don’t have the patience for that kind of investment, don’t waste your time, or others.
There’s also nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a committed relationship, as long as you let your partner know beforehand.
3.) Relationships aren’t always 50/50. We’re all human, and the one thing we all have in common is the fact that we make mistakes. We’re emotional creatures, whose hearts aren’t always in sync with our minds.
As a result, relationships make look like 30/70 or 60/40 sometimes. A relationship is a covenant between you and that person, where you both agree to love and be there for one another when the other physically and mentally can’t.
If you’re partner breaks down, and drops their half, in that moment your love should automatically pick up their half.
4.) Relationships are not a burden. Even though you need to be there for your partner, you shouldn’t have to be their fathers or mothers. They’re grown people, and the need for constant validation isn’t healthy.
If they blame you because they think you owe them constant validation, then you should leave. It’s not fun being in a relationship where you’re made to feel like an evil person every time you drop below their expectations.
5.) Leave your expectations at the door. This isn’t a fantasy, where all of your dreams come true. Relationships aren’t all about you, so don’t make it that way. I see this constantly on Facebook:
‘If he doesn’t send you good morning texts, throw him away.’
‘If he doesn’t have you as the background to his phone, he’s cheating.’
‘If he’s all about you, then he’s not going to have female friends.’
Where are these people getting their relationship advice from? Teenage girls? And people wonder why relationships on Facebook don’t last these days. It’s because these people are getting their relationship advice from memes on Facebook. Come on, you’re 25, listening to a vague piece of advice probably written by a high school student.
6.) You’re human, stop hiding your emotions. Seriously, what are you doing? You got into a relationship, only to hide your emotions from the person you want to be with? Just leave it. If you don’t trust your heart to be in their hands, then you’re not ready.
The point of a relationship is exploring each other’s darkest and deepest emotions, and enjoying the ride of life together.
If you stay, you both will just be unhappy.
7.) Co-dependence is a bad thing. Uh, no, not necessarily. In a world of individuality and independence, people who are needy and clingy often get labeled as bad people. It’s all about balance. If you always want to be around your partner, and they always want to be around you, what’s the problem?
I mean, as long as you guys get your work done and are functional enough to not die in each other’s arms from starvation, you’re good.
However, if you always want to be around them, and they think it’s annoying, that’s a problem. Either find someone who is like you, or respect your partner’s boundaries. Distance does make the heart grow fonder.
8.) Arguments. They happen. We’re human. We’re not going to always agree and settle disagreements peacefully. Sometimes, passion gets the better of us.
A lot of people view arguments as a bad thing, but they’re not inherently bad. What matters during an argument are the things that are said, and done. Love will stop you from saying anything hurtful. Love will also stop you from physically hurting your partner (no matter how much you imagine slapping them to next week).
If it doesn’t, then you need to take a hard look at your relationship. It’s broken, and chances are, it can never be fixed.
If you want to learn how to communicate better, read this.